December 2015

When I Have Created a Work of Art

When I have created a work of art, I—-for once and one brief window of divine sanctuary—-breathe fully and easily, because there, in that space, that respite, I see and know clearly: all of the preceding madness of my life—the foggy ennui, the stewing restlessness, the shaky, angry yearning, the vulnerablebrave seeking, the orgasm, the brief tasting of glory, the high, the feeling slipping away, a remembrance and then a forgeting, the bittersweet dissolution of Transience, the fading, the spiraling around and around and sometimes up, the lusting expectation, the helpless disappointment; the doldrums of loneliness, the glimmer of connection, a cradling, igniting, passionate love, the self-questioning and self-doubting, then losing—-all makes sense, for it has all come to this…..this beauty; this colorful, duly round, rightly distilled, beauty.

It is there and then that I remember that life is not linear, that in full, it is a bird’s eye collage, a wondrous weaving and shifting and marinating of events through time and collection, with metaphors and character-arcs and plot-myriads more brilliant than literature—-and the dance and dramatics we do is: the tiny window of our immediate consciousness, hasty and anxious, shortsighted and overconfidently judgmental, making grasping moves, while our patient, steady, undercurrenting subconscious heart of hearts watches it all unfold, amused and compassionate,  knowing full well and reveling in the Grand Scheme of things, the connecting  dots, the symphony, the lovestory, the intricate plot, the colors, the work of art. When I create a work of art I feel (remember), if only briefly, that nothing in my life is in vain.  

I Laugh a Great Joyous Laugh, for I Remember.

You magical magical manifestor,

the universe whispers and you hear it and you speak with it,

you know the language.

You dance and paint with colors of meaning in and on this magical symbolscape,

You say what you mean, and you in turn come to mean what you say.

 You know that your beliefs make your reality,

and you are unfazed by the linear logic that is the common road.


Yes this is how you dance through reality the way you do.

For you have awoken and know that your dream is beyond the illusion.  

Fear, love, fear, love, focus, distractions, focus, distractions,



This is the game of hide and seek with our Beloved.

Hiding in any of infinite hiding places,

a game of chase across stepping-stones of attention,

hiding behind the hiding places of distraction.



Faith and doubt.  Belief.

The wisdom is laughing at us,

hiding in plain sight,

shrouded only by cliche.  


Maya is the game board,

our fear is the other player,

our game piece is belief and focus

our prize is the paradise we can dream up and the Beloved we long for.  

And we are thoroughly amused,

so much so that we will play this hide and seek forever.


I laugh a great joyous laugh, for I remember.